Life is strange. People are strange.
Life is terrifying. People are terrifying.
We do the best, with what we have.
Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we make good decisions.
It’s all just a big gamble.
Sometimes we lose.
And sometimes we see that our douchey, narcissistic ex has an upcoming wedding playlist, comprised solely of Taylor Swift songs (and a gem from Dawson’s Creek)…Lol. And we go about our day with a chuckle, that recognises karma is already quite likely in play.
With me?…The past few weeks have been tumultuous. I’m not being dramatic in the slightest. It’s been an up and down of all sorts. And not really even with me, but just lots of incoming news in all different fields and proportions. From birthday and birth announcements…to ailing pet and people cancer announcements. The real kind on all account. Joy to struggle. And then there were the purely dramatic kind too, of course, as follows.
I have ‘unfriended’ a friend of long standing, due to a miscommunication, which really served as a blessing it seems. Lots of nastiness thrown my way there, (apparently I’m all kinds of awful) which I am proud to say, I shrugged off. Because time has taught me that most of the time, when people have a problem with you…it is not really with you at all. Most of their problems are ‘them’ problems. The recipient is just where the projection lands. And to be brutally honest, I don’t need any of that kind of shit in my life any more. I have been the landing spot for someone else’s problems one too many times in my life. My line is now quite clearly drawn. And while initially it felt like a loss, it wasn’t. Friends don’t say what was said. Real ones at least. They know you. And they know you better. So…thanks for coming, goodbye, and don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.
For a long while now, my only real problem, has been that I’m not doing anything particularly exciting in my life. I’m longing to travel, and love, and have fun, be inspired, and be whisked away…but I’m not doing any of those things. I’m just doing, what feels like, existing. Work, home, walk dog, rescue posts, sleep, rinse and repeat.
I’m thankful for the lack of drama, don’t get me wrong. But it frequently dawns on me that life is for more than this. More than wondering where your place truly is. More than the next cool show. More than waiting for the next best, big thing to arrive. More than reassuring yourself you’ll meet the deadline. Just…more.
At the very least, I can say I’m not in a bad spot. That I’m still working towards being in a better position. A better place. Possibly one step further to having the answer. A touch closer to that holiday, that peace, that security. But for now, I’ll have to admit that I don’t have the answer to Life, The Universe, and everything. Is it really 42?
Perhaps it’s just being content with what we have now, until we can have better?
Goodnight Kids. Keep up the good fight. For yourselves.
Cheers,
V
vampressa 