Rule No.32…

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We are not perfect and don’t always get it right. Hell sometimes we don’t even ‘get it’, but I am starting to see that, realising what  makes your life better, is the first step to making your life better. Sounds simple right? Not really…but we have to start somewhere. How about starting small…with the little things…

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Every day, every situation, every person, every relationship…they are all just made up of things. Little things. Lots of little things. Something is said that hurts. A song plays that makes you smile. A workout makes you ache all over. A photo makes you cry. A hot chocolate gives you a sugar rush. A feeling lets you know rain is coming. A memory pauses time. A scent carries you away to another place. Intuition makes you uneasy. A distant peal of laughter makes you giggle. A hug warms you. A voice makes your heart skip a beat. A conversation stills your worries. Little things right. Well…
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Maybe they are not so little, not so trivial or unimportant? Maybe they are pivotal, potentially important, hugely overlooked and directly responsible for the way we are, and what makes us happy? And we just don’t know it. Wow…there it is. Big.

What I am saying is that we need to first recognise the things that will make us happy, before we can allow them to do so. We also need to recognise and accept the things that are NOT making us happy, and adjust accordingly. If that means letting go of a few things or people, then that’s a decision we need to make. If it means embracing the things we have never allowed ourselves freely, then that is something we need to do also.

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We overlook the things that we don’t see as important all too often. All of the ‘little’ aspects, which in whole, equate to the way we see ourselves, the way we treat others, the way others treat us…and the way we let them.

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When a negative person or situation is removed from your life (even if you didn’t realise it was so negative at the time) it really can feel like a weight has literally been lifted off your mind. Things that we perceive as small complications, can be taking their toll more than we know. They are poison, slowly seeping through our veins unseen, until they overwhelm us, and we become bitter and tainted on the inside. The problem with that is, an unhappy heart can be easily seen on the outside too. So, the simplest answer is to surround yourself with the people and things that make you happy.

 

Start with yourself.
Figure out what you want? Who you are? Who you want to be (the why is important too). How you will be that person?

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Me…I want to be healthier, happier and in good shape again. I want to be happy with the way I look, so I am confident in myself. I want to be creative. I want to ride motorcycles, eat good food, spend time with my dogs. I want dinners with friends that erupt in laughter over too much red wine, and then progress to margaritas. I want meaningful tattoos, music, dancing, late Saturday nights & sleepy Sunday mornings. I want spontaneous. I want maple syrup and whipped cream. I want passion in everything from choosing which shoes to wear, to what continent I will live on next. I want to share. I want to be loved.
I want Love… the real, deep, raw, honest for all the evers ever kind of Love.

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I am really trying to focus on what I have, the things I have to do, and overcoming negative thought and emotion. Accepting the dark stuff, which counters the positive at each turn, as simply a balance. Otherwise…quite literally… ‘That which I desire, will destroy me in the end’. It’s not easy. Looking deep, I have insecurities, grief and pain. My own impatience, fear and doubt could easily be my undoing, should I let it, in so many ways. But I decided I will have/make time for the good things, or none at all.

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I have made a few simple changes in my life to effect these things, in order of immediate importance and availability.
I am eating on a plan, exercising more, and am proud to say that I have NOT touched a cigarette for a week -since last Tuesday. (My lungs are very thankful for that one). No drugs or patches, just stubborn willpower and push to improve.
I have also noticed myself mentally evaluating some other things that should stay, go or be re-prioritised. Things worth doing. Things worth waiting for. Things worth investing time and emotion in. Big things, little things, all things.
I want to fill my life with the things I want, need and love. All of the little things that, when pieced together, make me.

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 I have my work cut out for me, that’s for sure. Better get my dancing shoes on…
Take care Vamps,

Cheers
V

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Leaf me alone…

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So I got up this morning, after a restless, sleepless night and I coughed, I struggled to breathe, I made a coffee and sat down for my morning ritual of checking emails and getting ready to start the day…and I coughed. I lit a cigarette, took a deep breath in, replaced what could possibly have been a small portion of my lung to it’s rightful place, and continued with my internet checking and coffee. Just like any other morning. But not. Because this morning I stopped to think about all that and made a decision. Finally.

I said at the start of the year I was going to try and quit smoking…and I have….tried. A little.
I have successfully cut down from a really bad addiction, to just a seriously concerning one. Cut my cigarette consumption literally in half. From smoking (and yes it horrifies me too) almost a 20 pack a day, to just 10 or so (and roll cigarettes to add to the inconvenience too). I thought I was doing okay, the bank balance was liking it too, and so I figured a little is better than nothing right?
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NOPE.

It seems the less I smoke, the worse I am starting to feel. It feels like every cigarette is now affecting my health twice as much as they used to. It’s like my lungs are saying “Well you’ve gone halfway…why not stop?Here…let us show you why!”. Combine this with the fact that I am trying to diet, exercise more and get healthier, and it just doesn’t add up…SO…

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First of the month (and no this is not a joke) it is. Seems like as good a time as any to make a change. After all of the “But you have a party to go to this weekend, do it after that” and “Just one more packet” reasonings, I settled on the fact that, it needs to be now.

I am under no illusion that it will be easy, especially with all of the other stress and bullshit in my life, but you know what?…that’s always going to be the case. Lately there is always something happening to add stress and worry to a day. I can’t keep using outside factors to influence the way I want to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care about being a smoker. I don’t think it’s gross or nasty, or any of the other things non-smokers complain about. To be honest, I quite enjoy it, but what I do care about is my health, my fitness and my mental health on the subject. I also care about my finances. There are plenty of other things I want and want to be doing with the money I have and will save by not buying these things doing me no good…like other things that will do me no good! 😀

So today, my lungs and I aim to say goodbye to cigarettes and hello to better health. Wish us luck.

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Cheers
V