You know what I am? I’m a pretty little battle scarred 20 year old, living in the body of an almost 40 year old, not quite aesthetically pleasing, almost has been. Not has-been in the sense of anything important or not yet fulfillable…but just has-been almost successful, almost had her fairy-tale ending, almost fulfilled those dreams, almost everything…just almost. The saddest word in the history of vocabulary (besides fucking ‘bae’)
And just because I have had so many ‘has-been’ moments…you know what. I DON’T FUCKING CARE. I’m not giving up. Not on you, or me…or anything. I don’t subscribe to the ‘too old’ theory. The aim is to die young…as late as possible. Every day is for living, not existing. You are right to be cynical… because we are not here on some mystical journey to reach fulfilment at the end. To reach some Nirvana or higher purpose. We are here to live every day. How do we not get that??? That we need to make the most of every. single. fucking. day!!!!
Seriously? Why do we pander to people, keep the peace, invest so much in material things, care so much about money and time and THINGS. Why do we care so much about people who couldn’t give two fucks, in anything more than keeping up appearances? Why are we so afraid to follow our hearts and let go of insecurity and despair and darkness, in the face of possible light and love? Why does it seem so impossible when it is staring you right in the face?
Are we really such cynical, hopeless, hurt, damaged people that we can’t accept the fact that there may be something in the world that is pure of intention. That someone may love us with no alterior motive. That a person could love us so entirely for who we are, despite our flaws and deceptions. Because you know what?…there fucking is.
You see, love doesn’t judge by skin colour, history, race or religion. Love doesn’t judge by baggage, scars, childhoods or flaws. In fact, if you could ask Love itself, the question…it would say your flaws are endearing, because they make you exactly who you are..and it wouldn’t have you any other way, than just who you are. You. You are perfect.
Love make you see an imperfect person perfectly, and that is because they are perfect for you. EVERYONE is damaged. EVERYONE has history, baggage, hate, hurt, loss. But not everyone finds the person that they fit with perfectly. Not everyone finds someone, whom the universe conspires so desperately to bring together, that they cannot remain apart. It is an occurrence so special that it cannot be denied, no matter how much you try. No matter how many excuses you employ, or how many distractions come along. You simply cannot. So why do you try so hard?
BELIEVE. Believe that love can be pure and good. Believe that the universe can be right. Believe that you can let go of all the past crap and move on. Believe that the people that love you, and are supposed to stay in your life will do just that. Believe that you are worth their love. Just believe. Believe in something more. More than you or them or everything. Have faith in love itself.
Goodnight kids, feel free to kick on, but I’m exhausted.