Yesterday I put this picture on my Facebook page. It seemed an appropriate theme for the day. That fourth monkey seemed not to have a damn care in the world, at a glance. Smoking, drinking and not giving a single gram of fuck. But that’s a lie. Giving completely no fucks, is utter bullshit.
I’d like to think that I could be like that. That one day I could just wake up and not have a damn care in the world, but the truth is, I can’t. I give fucks.
And the reality is that I give a lot of fucks every day. When I see animals being discarded and abused. For my friends who are hurting. For my dogs and their well-being. For this person, my person, who I love dearly and would seemingly give a limitless amount of fucks for, regardless of anything. For the pain of others, and lastly, a few for my own. Even when I wish I could turn away, for my own well-being, I give fucks.
In a recent discussion, I established a list of people (generally speaking) who no longer receive any fucks I have to give. Believe me when I say it was long in comparison to its counterpart which is growing shorter, and while I am not proud of it, I am proud of the strength it took to establish it for myself. The realisation that there are many people that can be excluded from your life to make it less energy-sapping, is quite liberating.
The friends who aren’t really friends, the enemies that are in your peripherals and the ‘extras’ that have always been there for no reason at all. These people no longer receive fucks. Nada.
So whether they know it or not, and I endeavour to make sure they do, the recipients of my fucks given, are the people who not only have said they are friends, but proved it true. My person, my people and my passions. They are for whom my fucks are reserved. It doesn’t matter if I have known you for 2 weeks, 2 months or 12 years, you will all know who you are. My bet is that if you are reading this, you also give out your limited fucks to selected people, and I may be among them, otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered.
For everyone else reading, maybe it will make you re-evaluate your relationships vs fucks situation…maybe it will just be moved to your trash, but no fucks are given there either. I’m not here to win votes.
We read/see so many things in a day, and can perceive them only in relation to ourselves. Just as we feel things from our own perspectives, and cannot be convinced otherwise. Regardless of what is said, drummed or beaten into our heads, it is always about you. Yourself.
“It’s not you, it’s me” doesn’t apply when it comes to emotion, it’s logical. So we try and switch off our fucks.
When we feel loss or grief or pain, we try and switch off our fucks.
When we feel hopeless, deflated or overwhelmed, we don’t know what else to do, so we switch off our fuck-giving mechanism.
Unfortunately, the first person to stop receiving those fucks, is usually ourself. And that just leaves us looking like a drunk monkey, who is simply ignoring the world and letting life pass us by.
When it comes down to it, we all give fucks. We can’t help it. There are people in this world that we worry and care for despite everything. And inside of us, is a special reserve of fucks, destined for these people. We just have to decide who is important enough to us, to get them. You see, the sad thing about the whole usage for fucks as currency, is that it’s rarely a fair exchange. No matter how many you choose to expend on someone, they may never reciprocate in kind. Once again-It is all about You. YOU have to choose who deserves yours…The ones we truly love, sometimes without quite knowing from where, or why even.
Though my list is short, the people at the top of it today, will be there forever. I hope I make their cut too.