As usual my brain has been exceeding the natural speed limit…a lot. Christmas was surprisingly good given the variables, the extended New Years Eve celebrations were awesome, and other things that surrounded, or perhaps even clouded, those events…were fucking heart-wrenching.
In the past few weeks, there have been so many highs and lows, a total mess of ‘if’s’ and ‘maybe’s’ that if you likened it to a roller coaster, it may resemble this one… Exhibit A: a confusion of both the clarity of straight lines and plateaus, followed by thoughts twisting over on themselves, looping and doubling, often to just find themselves back at the beginning. The thing is, and anyone who knows me will testify to this certainly…I don’t do roller coasters.
I’ve been waiting for the year to begin, that magical moment when you have a plan. Something solid to believe and look forward to. While I was waiting, the year began without me. We’re one & a half weeks in already it appears… Wasn’t Christmas just yesterday??
So, today I sat down over coffee with a friend or two and thought a few things out. The happy feely touchy, “what do you want to do with your life?” junk…So there’s this…
And this…(omg…what have I let you talk me into here!!??)
And then this…(for starters)
Which means getting used to a whole lot more of these…
But I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m almost ready to admit, that I’m looking forward to doing more things that physically push me. In truth, lately it’s the purely physical things that leave me feeling better and the non-physical stuff that’s happening, that scares me more, so this should be a walk in the park right?
What’s so scary about boarding a few gravity-defying, metal objects hurtling through the upper atmosphere, a few stupid-high cliffs to walk off, a few challenges…when you have already terrifyingly put your most important internal organ on the line? Because of course, underneath it all, there’s still this…
But that?…everything about it…I don’t know. I’m not even presuming to know what’s happening. I got nothing.
I’m an incurable romantic. I’m wanty. I jump without testing the water. I’m not making any apology for that, because the world needs us, as much as it needs the logical thinkers that cross their t’s. It creates the right balance.
I follow my heart. But…I just need to start following it everywhere. Blinkers are for horses.
Cheers Kids-take care of you 😉