Cleanin’ out my closet

Today I learnt a lot of things, as I systematically pulled my life apart, both physically and in my head. The material stuff I packed into bags and boxes, the mental stuff I am still sorting through…

You see, it’s not the work, the packing, the endless box upon box you fill and label…it’s what you are filling them with. A lifetime of decisions and choices. Do I want this? Do I buy this? Do I value this? Is this a part of who I am?
You make that decision, and then it comes time to move on and you have to make it all over again. Do I still want this? Do I still value this? Is this still a part of who I am?

In many cases it’s simple. You have outgrown something or it no longer means what it once did to you. Once valuable material items are now simply bin fodder. Others are harder, because you’re not sure, or it is not so much the item, as the memories it contains. Spoken like a true hoarder, I know. But some things are hard to let go of. It feels a bit like this all at once…
2022 Letting_Go
But, that’s what I did. I made the decision to be brutal and let go of things that were a part of my past, but have no place in my future. Someone said to me last week, that you don’t throw away the memories, just by throwing away the ‘things’. I guess there’s a balance…
At the moment the balance tips toward making my life easier. Moving without taking anything that isn’t necessary. Sacrificing/realising what I had then, for what I really want now, and what I really want next. Yes…

So there are countless boxes and bags packed for rubbish or goodwill collection. Featuring amongst these are my somewhat impressive Elmo collection, clothes, bags, shoes and something else from every room in the house. Most of the stuffed toys didn’t make the cut, except a select few. When it comes to this, you really have to decide which ones you love, mean something, give you comfort…and which ones just decorate your bed. Like a lot of things I suppose.

I wish I could tell you that the process looked at any stage like this…
moving-out-cleanBut in reality it was a little more like…
It has been a long, long, emotionally difficult week with everything else swirling around my brain, and coupled with these decisions, most of the day I operated on auto-pilot. The hardest part was just resisting the urge to do what I really felt like. This…
Despair_by_Mariamne_1484So, here I am at the end of another day, with a transitional week ahead, of not knowing which box (or house) any of my worldly possessions are in, trying to fit in eating, driving, exercise, working and not thinking too much (this is not going to happen). It all seems a little bit too much right now, but one week from now, I’ll get there, and it will be an achievement. One week from now, my view in the world will be looking so much better. Just one more week. All I need is for it to go by really quick
…because even just one more week is still too long.

Cheers Kids.




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