The past few weeks have been a significant learning curve for me. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say a curve of ‘realisation and acceptance’ than learning? I took a short break away and came back to a different world than the one I left just a blink ago… I had invested all my recent time and energy into improving my physical self. I felt (and still do) that it would help my confidence and self-consciousness around others. When I feel better, the confidence to be more ‘myself’ comes with it naturally. When I feel good, I look out and up more often than I look down. After the short break over the last week, I am going to get back into an exercise and healthy eating plan, and continue for the same reason. The goal hasn’t changed, but one very important factor has been included into the equation. This… I had to be reminded of this. That the most important people in your life look past the surface.
In the short space of a week, a whole world of things can change. They can fall together, just as quickly as they can fall apart. Actually maybe it’s less about ‘falling apart’ than moments of undeniable clarity, and the sudden (should have seen this coming kind of) realisation that things are not what they seem, or how you perceive them to be. Sometimes the relationships you think are strong, have hidden weaknesses you just couldn’t see and the ones you thought were faltering, have unimaginable strength, hidden in places you didn’t think to look.
People never cease to surprise me. It’s one of the things I kind of like about life. The element of unpredictability that comes with throwing a bunch of totally different people together on a planet, and just for shits and giggles, saying “Hey-Let’s watch what happens here”. I have a very diverse group of people in my life, and that means there are regular curve balls mid-air, and assorted drama to accompany them. Some relationships come and go, and some stand the test of time. Sometimes a person who is nothing at all like you, can become your closest friend by simply being the yin to your yang…opposites attract and all that jazz. Some only last because you learn to tolerate and understand a person’s quirks, and accept the underlying reasons for them. There comes a time however, when some become too much. Intentions change or become apparent, harmless becomes destructive and sometimes just simply hurtful. It takes so much energy to be negative. It takes so much ‘heart’ from you, to continually worry about why things are broken.
Anyone who can’t understand your choices, or at least accept that you have made them for a reason (even if they don’t really know what it is) is only in the relationship for themselves. So, sometimes that time should be better spent to evaluate. Time to ‘reflect’ on the kind of people you want in your life. Time to cut ties.
On the other end of the spectrum of surprise, are good things. Things you perhaps underestimated. People who care more than you were ever willing to believe, in fear that it wasn’t true. People who, despite everything the world has thrown at them, still have the ability to love deeply and honestly. People who take the time to understand. People who ‘just know’ without needing an explanation. People who pay attention.
The right people will always love you for who you are. They will accept your flaws and weaknesses, as part of how you became the person you are, as you will theirs. Someone who truly loves, will never try and hurt. They will never try and belittle or judge, but trust and stand beside you with their strength, so that you can always stand together. They hold each other up.
So, that’s where I’m at. Not where I want to be, my mind is far away…both lingering slightly behind and leaping far ahead, but the clarity afforded this week is allowing some peace, and a sense of happiness and longing for what comes next. There is hope…still hope…always hope, but this time founded on more than dandelion wishes and daydreams. This time there is promise, real promise…a real promise.
Here’s hoping you all have daydreams to hold onto Kids. They are more important than you know.