Sick & tired…

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You know what I’m really sick of right now?…People. Pretty much all of them, with a few exceptions.

I’m sick of having to tiptoe around people with what I do and say. I’m sick of having to please other people and
tell them what they want to hear. I’m sick of pretty face-book status updates to placate the masses. I’m sick of posting
happy pictures, when they are a only a small glimpse of my day.

I’m sick of hearing about your awesome peachy lives, when I know in fact they are no better than mine, but you feel as compelled as everyone else to tell us they are. Why?… because nobody wants to see doom and gloom? Because it’s depressing you say? Well, life isn’t always a bed of roses…or have you forgotten that two weeks ago you were crying on MY shoulder?
I’m sick of relentless fucking hypocrites.

I’m sick of  putting so much effort into things and getting nothing in return, helping and getting no help. I’m sick of confiding, only to be ‘told’ what I should or shouldn’t be doing with my life, thoughts and feelings. Advice should be helpful not harmful. If you want to help, help, be constructive. If you want to preach, do it to someone else. I’m going to do whatever I want…figured that out yet?
Don’t talk down to me about the things that are important to me and then constantly ask me ‘why I defend them?’. If you don’t know why…then you clearly don’t know me as well as you think you do…

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I’m sick of filtering stuff from people I don’t like because they still feel the need to be my virtual ‘friend’ when in reality we can’t stand each other. I’m sick of fickle, flighty people who lack substance and integrity. I’m sick of people breaking their word, or those who are only in your life when they need something from you. I’m sick of the attention getters, the fucking drama queens and the liars. I’m sick of people who can’t handle the truth in raw form. And the ones who say they can…but really can’t.

I’m sick of ‘attached’ people flirting with me, and propositioning me, because they need to fill some little void in their relationship and life. If it’s fucked, leave it or fix it yourself, don’t look to me for anything, because ‘news flash’… I’m not interested, and furthermore, you no longer have my respect. Just because I am single, in no way does that mean I am available, and much less to you.

I’m sick of seeing so many posts about horrible people who hurt animals, hurt themselves or want to hurt the planet. I’m sick of
seeing a world filled with money hungry, power hungry, hateful, despicable people who couldn’t give two shits about anyone or anything in ‘their way’.

I’m tired of having to constantly fight so hard for what I love and want, and for the things I believe in, which in most cases are just plain human decency. I’m sick of constantly waiting for the right times and places, and more days filled with uncertainty. I’m sick of feeling hurt and insignificant. I’m sick of being mentally exhausted and tired, so tired. I’m sick of hollow, achy, longing. I know some of these things are a necessary means to an end, self imposed-which I am willing to deal with, but are no easier to handle because of that simple fact.

Sleepless nights run into sleepless mornings, followed by days running on pure shots of caffeine and the thought that tomorrow will be better, if only a little. And the even more glorious thought that things will all be as they should be ‘some day’…but to get there, I have to make it through many more tomorrows.

Some days are just too much. Some days I’m seeing red and I just want to tell everyone to go and eat a fucking big bag of dicks! Some days I just I don’t have it in me to leave my dark little cave, because I likely would. Some days I could just go freakin’ postal…this day…yes…this day.

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The only thing that gets me through this day is two amazing, furry little creatures who depend on me and love me without condition, loud music, plenty of uber-strong coffee, the fact that there are still some people worth the time… and solitude from the outside world. Only the determination to get through it, will provide the energy to complete that workout, make that food, fill that daily routine. This day.

The Universe is still a bitch and the world is still fucked up…but tomorrow will be a better day. I’ll make sure of it.

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Rant over.

XX-V

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