So I got up this morning, after a restless, sleepless night and I coughed, I struggled to breathe, I made a coffee and sat down for my morning ritual of checking emails and getting ready to start the day…and I coughed. I lit a cigarette, took a deep breath in, replaced what could possibly have been a small portion of my lung to it’s rightful place, and continued with my internet checking and coffee. Just like any other morning. But not. Because this morning I stopped to think about all that and made a decision. Finally.
I said at the start of the year I was going to try and quit smoking…and I have….tried. A little.
I have successfully cut down from a really bad addiction, to just a seriously concerning one. Cut my cigarette consumption literally in half. From smoking (and yes it horrifies me too) almost a 20 pack a day, to just 10 or so (and roll cigarettes to add to the inconvenience too). I thought I was doing okay, the bank balance was liking it too, and so I figured a little is better than nothing right?
It seems the less I smoke, the worse I am starting to feel. It feels like every cigarette is now affecting my health twice as much as they used to. It’s like my lungs are saying “Well you’ve gone halfway…why not stop?Here…let us show you why!”. Combine this with the fact that I am trying to diet, exercise more and get healthier, and it just doesn’t add up…SO…
First of the month (and no this is not a joke) it is. Seems like as good a time as any to make a change. After all of the “But you have a party to go to this weekend, do it after that” and “Just one more packet” reasonings, I settled on the fact that, it needs to be now.
I am under no illusion that it will be easy, especially with all of the other stress and bullshit in my life, but you know what?…that’s always going to be the case. Lately there is always something happening to add stress and worry to a day. I can’t keep using outside factors to influence the way I want to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care about being a smoker. I don’t think it’s gross or nasty, or any of the other things non-smokers complain about. To be honest, I quite enjoy it, but what I do care about is my health, my fitness and my mental health on the subject. I also care about my finances. There are plenty of other things I want and want to be doing with the money I have and will save by not buying these things doing me no good…like other things that will do me no good! 😀
So today, my lungs and I aim to say goodbye to cigarettes and hello to better health. Wish us luck.