So it was Christmas, then New Year, I blinked and all of a sudden it’s mid February!
It’s not like nothing has happened in all that time, in fact far from nothing, but it all seems to be going by on two different time planes. One is flying past at an alarming rate and the other dragging every minute out to it’s full.
As some of you know, I’m back to flying solo. It wasn’t really advertised that things had changed because, well…because it’s not really anyone’s business. Also because, it was kind of fluid what was really happening anyway. Those who knew either of us could have quite easily picked up on it, through the fairly obvious changes in communication and appearances. It wasn’t a secret, just not made out to be a big deal either. But now I guess it is official, the interwebs say so.
So someone told me last week that I was ‘back on the market’ but technically that is not true.
I am not, by choice, back on the market for anything or anyone. This being alone gig sometimes sucks, and I have not been short of offers to relieve the solitude, but I would rather take the chance to do my own thing and wait. Wait for the right thing…not just the next thing.
Valentines Day for me usually means more work than play, as a Florist. That sits just fine too. Working behind the scenes, the sentimental side of the day gets a little lost in the frantic rush of people who have left their obligatory ‘gifts of love’ until the last minute. To me, it really stands out as one of the most commercially exploited days of the year.
If you really LOVE someone, you should show them every day, not the one day of the year that you are told you must.
Bitterness aside, I did get something on the day. Not flowers, chocolates or any other material thing, but something better. Just a message that showed someone was thinking of me. Under the circumstances, I couldn’t have wanted for anything more.
Life is a little all over the place right now. I am trying to stay focused on re-organising and setting things up the way I want them, all over again. I have a lot of other background issues keeping my mind racing, and at the same time, touched by a deep sadness from all the recent events. As I clean and pack things I am finding a lot of items of sentiment that can change the mood or course of a day. Quite often I find that my thoughts are somewhere else altogether as I go about my day set to automatic.
However all that said, discovering the parts of myself that I had ‘stored’ away or set aside has been refreshing. I’m making my own music playlists, getting back into some artwork, discarding deadlines and self-imposed obligations and still doing the things that need to be done. The pups are getting plenty of attention and spoiling too!
Re-uniting with old friends has been nothing short of heart-warming, inspiring and calming. You all know who you are, thank-you.
One of my oldest friends and I got together and went and got some new ink. I added a Persephone for my Sparky.
They need to be together. It just seems cosmically wrong to have one without the other…all about balance and happiness.
So I continue to breathe as the year passes by on it’s two planes around me, and try to keep up. I’m still in a world of pain and uncertainty, so for now, I’m not promising anything, expecting anything or settling for anything less than what I want. I’m just trying to keep it all together and waiting for things to work out for the best. I have been told…it is yet to come 😉 I sure hope so.