2014 is here. For me, not soon enough.
As I look back over the year that was, so many things went wrong. Too many things hurt. Still hurt.
I have lost relationships, loved ones, body parts, money and faith. It has left my body scarred. It has left my heart tattered and torn up. It has left my head in a spinning mess of confusion with little closure. It has left the need for change. Big change. Inevitable change.
Just when it seemed the worst had come and gone, 2013 threw a nasty curve ball, with the news late on Christmas Eve, that my Father had been in a fatal car accident earlier that day. At that point…there were just no more words…
The next few days were kind of a blur as everything just settled all at once.
The following few weeks consisted of getting my Fathers affairs in order with my Brother, who has thankfully done the lion’s share, and organising and attending the funeral up north. All this while, everything else that was already happening…was still happening in the background. Emotional turmoil, job-hunting, financial stress etc just to throw a few things out there…Fitting that the Summer storms had started…
So a while ago, with my own storm building up in my head, I said enough was enough and just left. Just for a few days. Just to get my head together. Just enough time to settle down a little.
I wasn’t really M.I.A. Anyone who knows me, knew where/how to reach me. I just went and stayed with a friend for a while. No internet, people, phone, but plenty of quiet, alcohol, music, chill, seclusion, good company, discussion and good food-no…great food!
I am back again, a little better off for it, a little more prepared to deal. Back to the emotional turmoil, financial stress and job-hunting. Back to work. Back to reality.
I have very little idea of what path 2014 will lead me down. I know for certain, a few things that I want, or even so far as ‘need’ to happen, but the details are anyone’s guess right now. Hopefully they will become a lot clearer very soon, and I can start reconstructing some semblance of balance and happiness, starting from the inside and working outward. I am not expecting to sail through, but I am working on it…getting my shit back together…now if the universe would just co-operate please?
I need that something to look forward to, that something to inspire me, that something certain. I need to love what I’m doing, who I’m with and where I am. I need all of that again. I need the bedtime story ending.
I hope the last year sucked a whole lot less for you all, I really do. From most of the stories I’ve encountered, it was not the best, but that means we all have a brighter year ahead to move into right? So maybe we should just let go of fear a little and move forward with hope. Maybe, just maybe, we should move forward with a little excitement and anticipation of the opportunities and possibility that lies ahead. That somewhere out there, maybe just around the next corner…is the happily ever after.